Changes

I had a moment of clarity in a moment of frustration, this morning.

Let me explain.

I have been hitting my head on a wall for a while now. My girls, well mostly Audrey but Ellie too, are terrified of trying new foods. And I do mean literally terrified. For a while when Audrey was about 2 if we tried to make her eat anything new, or anything that she just decided she wouldn't eat, she would throw up. Make herself gag and throw up. She would and still does put the food in her mouth (because we put it there), say yes it tastes good (without chewing it at all), and then proceed to freak out. And the freak outs include: Crying, screaming, spitting the food out, coughing, gagging, and possible throwing up. With more freaking out, more crying and creaming. And refusal to try the food any more. One bite is usually what I get from her. She says it tastes good and then absolutely refuses any more. All of this results in me getting more and more frustrated and upset.

Since she turned four she realized that she doesn't really like to actually throw up. So she mostly just threatens that now. But she still threatens it. And she still does all of the rest of everything. She has a few foods that she will eat but if I try to vary from the norm at all on what she eats, or how it looks, even if it tastes the same she will have the exact same reaction. I.e. she absolutely loves spaghetti, but if I make my own sauce and say add  large pieces of onion to the sauce. That doesn't change the taste in any way to how I normally cook it. Only the look. She will absolutely refuse and throw a massive fit. If we want to try different noodles, like those swirly curly noodles and not spaghetti noodles. There is no way to get her to try the noodles. Try lasagna... it has taken me a very long time to get her to eat lasagna. Ellie loves lasagna... Audrey will eat it now, but it is still a chore. And she will refuse it after the initial dinner...

I did, however, have success with the eating thing last week. I decided that I was going to make tacos for dinner. Now I have tried this in the past. A few different ways. Trying to make it "funner" and therefor more "likely" for the girls to eat it. And Ellie always has eaten some of it. This time I tried crispy tacos (basically, beans, meat and cheese, for the girls). Ellie loved it... Audrey refused to eat it at all. But after sending her to her room and threatening just water and bread for dinner. And after a few times of sending her back to her room after she had come out and said she would actually try it. I got her to actually try it... It took me telling her to actually taste the food with her tongue instead of her eyes. Because her eyes tell her it looks different so it will taste gross... And she did! Amazingly. She continued to eat that whole crispy taco. Even after I had to take Ellie to the potty... (we were attempting to potty train Thing 2, but that is another part of this story). I cheered for her (eating the taco), she got a big sticker, she got ice cream! She said she really liked it! Yay! Could I get her to even eat one more bite the next day... no... back to the same old fight. Sure I think she will eat it if I make it again, she will probably even say it is good, after a little bit of a fight getting her to eat it.

I hate this cycle...

*Potty Training - So if you want to stop here I understand*

Now Ellie... I waited to start potty training her until she was a little older and could understand things a little more. In order to attempt to skip all of the fight and fear and pain that it caused Audrey. Apparently, it is just something that they both have to go through, a right of passage sort of thing. And Ellie is now scared of the potty. She will hold in everything, then tell me she has to go, she will sit down and scream saying it hurts, and then not let anything out... Therefore causing her more grief, because she won't even go in her diapers now. But she does let me know immediately when she needs a diaper change. So I have brought an awareness to those functions of her body.

*Baby steps* right...

Well the night of the tacos, mentioned before. I was feeding Audrey and Ellie... by hand... I know they can feed themselves but there are times when nothing will enter their mouths unless I do it for them... annoying but I can do that. Ellie tells me that she needs to use the potty and that she wanted to sit on the big potty chair. So I set it all up for her. She sits up there and then says she is done and wants to hop down. Well I am not going to let her just do that because it isn't what this is all about. She has to go now. And we sat in the bathroom, with her trying her hardest not to go. And with me sitting with her not letting her get off... for about 45 mins... She screamed at me, and screamed at me. I tried just talking to her... I calmed her down a few times. I tried to talk her out of her fear... But still nothing I could say would calm her down. So after the 45 mins were up and my nerves were completely shot. I let her go watch tv in a pull up. And I went out Visiting Teaching... which I might add helped me calm down and remember how much I love my girls. I just thoroughly dislike pting and trying to get them to eat new foods... ugh...

However, I did try again the next day... with the same results. So Ellie is back in baby diapers until she decides that she wants to be a big girl and use the potty. I keep talking to her about it. And we have rewards set up. She just needs to decide to give up being the baby.

Which brings me back to the changes thing.

Ellie has shown this for a while. She wants to be treated like a big kid and do all the things the big kids do, except that she doesn't want to have the rules and responsibilities of being bigger. She wants to get away with everything. She wants to be the baby. But still do everything else... I have yet to figure out how to explain to her that she is growing and can't go back, delicately... And in a way that she can understand... She is only 2.5 yrs old.

And for that matter Audrey is just about to turn 5... How do I do this? How can I help them to grow and understand that change isn't always bad... Change can be good for you....

I feel like I am pretty good and going with the flow of things and not letting it upset me too much when things change. But I do understand that I have a problem to a degree with this sort of thing. So how do I help them to become healthier in this area?

That is my venting for now...
I love my girls sooo much, I just want to figure out how to help them to learn and grow into healthy, happy, well adjusted, smart women.